The Times Journal & Russell County News
Friday, Apr. 18, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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I.C. TOOWELL - In Feb. 28-Mar. 5, 2008 issue
A look at the Jamestown Square just leaves an empty feeling without the appearance of the Doughboy, it is just not the same. Donnie Morrison has come up with a great idea and we agree. So, we are now seeking volunteers to stand sentinel on the square until our Doughboy can be repaired and returned. We can dress with uniform and rifle and take position on the monument base. We would suggest a hand grenade is not included as tossing it might become an urge out of control.

Donnie can take the first shift, a couple of hours a day and others can fill in to give protection and appearance at all times.

All the Attorneys in Jamestown are close by so they can join in. We can see Robert Bertram, Joel Smith, H. K. Cooper, Jeff Hoover and others standing at attention on top of the marble base, dressed in uniform with rifle in arm. Hoover’s tall stature would make a striking figure.

County Judge Mickey Garner and Ole IC would likely require some uniform adjustments if we were given a time slot. While some might question our round appearance perched on the square base, but we are sure both would be glad to assist.

Mayor Bates might be just a little short to take a turn but we can only guess that Mayor DeHart would be glad to assist with a turn at the guard post.

We can just go on and on with names of those we feel sure would be glad to assist. Chief Mike Keaton would make a striking figure and he could also take a flashlight and direct traffic. Former Chief Joey Hoover would make another fine stand-in as he could hold a rifle in one hand and a news mic in place of the grenade in the other. Great place for a live interview.

You might keep an eye on the square as you never know what to expect.

***
Some one-liners between man and wife.

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Her's is in California and mine is in Texas .

I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!". So I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

I married Miss Right I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

***
Here are some reported sighting of those who are not-so-bright......

We called the garage door repairman because our garage door would not open. the repairman said one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said,

"NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."

***
My daughter and I went through the restaurant take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

***
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

***
My daughter went to a local Mexican restaurant and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

***
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called."

***
Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long grey hair, wearing a white robe, and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"

The man never answered. He just kept staring straight ahead.

The President said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the President.

Bush pulled a Secret Service agent aside and pointing to the robed man asked him, "Am I crazy, or does that man not look like Moses to you?"

The Secret Service agent looked at the man carefully and then agreed.

"Well," said the President, "Every time I say his name he ignores me and stares straight ahead refusing to speak. Watch!" Again the President yelled, "Moses!" and a gain the man ignored him.

The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"

The man leaned over and whispered back ... "Yes, I am Moses.

However, the last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years wandering in the desert, and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire middle east where there is no oil."

***
An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the sky. One very nervous lady happened to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him.

"Can't you do something?" she demanded angrily.

"I'm sorry ma'am," the Reverend said gently, "I'm in sales, not management."
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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
Renee Daffron
(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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