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I.C. TOOWELL - In Mar. 13-19, 2008 issue
Just have to tell that we did a six point, over and back, 360, swan dive from our back porch Friday afternoon. Not intentionally understand but a dive with both feet up in the air and then landing flat on the back side, right across the red, icy, brick steps...

Chanson had some friends at the house and with the storm on the way, we went outside to see if it was getting slick. We did not want to take a chance on the kids having a hard time getting home. But, before we could even set our eyes on the concrete porch our big rear was up in the air about to splatter down the steps and on the sidewalk.

After the figure eight maneuver through the air and a couple quick versus of “Lord I’m Coming Home” followed by the initital splatter, we finally got our lungs to function again.

Next, we were wondering just how many bones were protruding out the skin in addition to trying to figure out how were we ever going to pick up all the vertebra that had been knocked from our spine as they had to be hanging on the sharp edges of the brick steps where we repeatedly bounced and slid on down.

We finally managed to pull ourself together and quietly crawl back into the house with our profound but rather weak weather report...”it’s slick, be careful!”

Pat and Tom Matthew shared the following with us...

Americans Are Wacky
- We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
- In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
- We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwich.
- We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
- We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.
- We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
- We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.

The clothes line....a dead give away. Do the kids today even know what a clothes line is?

For all of us who are older, this will bring back the memories.

1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any clothes.
Walk the length of each line with a damp cloth around the line.
2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order and always hang whites with whites and hang them first.
3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders, always by the tail. What would the neighbors think?
4. Wash day on a Monday...........never hang clothes on the weekend or Sunday for heaven's sake!
5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your 'unmentionables' in the middle.
6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather.............clothes would 'freeze dry.'
7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes. Pins left on the line was 'tacky'.
8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.
9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket and ready to be ironed.
10. IRONED?????????? Well, that's another subject.

"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, shaking his head, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But our son has his own color TV, phone, computer and CD player."
"So what do you do when your son misbehaves?" asked his friend.
"I send him to my room!"

A writer tells this story.......
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

Sex month marathon.

A church leader in Florida has urged parishioners to have sex every day for a month to help cut America's high divorce rates.

Pastor Paul Wirth, who is taking up the sex marathon challenge with his wife Susie, said that couples right across the nation were struggling in their relationships.

For married people he said it seemed like "the sex is great up front but then for some reason life happens."

But for singles "it's like you're always thinking about it and you're like, man I'd like to have it as much as possible."

Sometimes that prevented single people from having a great and healthy relationship later on when they got married, said the pastor.

The head pastor of the Relevant Church in Ybor City, outside Tampa, delivered his 30-day sex challenge to churchgoers on Sunday during a sermon series on relationships.

Note - We have to get to Brother Jim before Pauline does!! We’re just concerned that the hearts of some of our older dedicated members just won’t be able to stand the strain. (Can’t keep from wondering if the Florida Church had the little blue pills with communion.

Talking about a pain in the behind!!

These are true stories. Jason Panchalk, 36, was admitted to the Pima County (Arizona) jail in December, facing a charge of trafficking in stolen property, but he arrived prepared. According to a jailer, Panchalk was carrying "some syringes, matches, lighter, heroin, marijuana, and an assortment of pills," all inside his behind.

And in October, court officials in Cork, Ireland, who were suspicious of a defendant's demeanor, had him medically examined. According to a report in the Irish Independent, doctors found a mobile phone, SIM card and charger, all wrapped in foil and coated with lubricant, inside his behind .

See ya next week. Oh! We forgot last week, the answer to the math problem was 10,990.
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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
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Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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