The Times Journal & Russell County News
Thursday, Jul. 24, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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I.C. TOOWELL: In July 10-16 issue
Had a great time at the Jamestown Celebration. Very nice weekend  but we were a little surprised to see what we thought was a reduction in attendance this year.

The celebration is a great idea and we certainly encourage to keep the tradition alive and well.  We could not keep from thinking how many hours and years the Hoover family had put into the production of the event.

Our thanks to them for all their efforts and to all the others that have worked over the years past and especially this year.

***
An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, ear ache, burning in the eyes, congested lungs..."

"Sir," says the doctor, "you complain you have so many things. What don't you have?"
The man answers, "Teeth."

***
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived from mothers who took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants &children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, we were always outside playing.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms......

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

***
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. “Hello ?”

“Is your daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes ,” whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him'

The child whispered, “ No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mummy there?”
 
“Yes “
“May I talk with her”' Again the small voice whispered, “ No “

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child,  “a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he's busy,”  whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,

“The search team just landed a helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

“ME.”

***
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in.

The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" 

The old timer said, "I'm a pilot and that's why I'm in such good shape.  I'm up well before daylight and out flying all over the countryside."

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it.  How old was your dad when he died?" 

The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80-years-old and your dad's still alive?  How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 100-years-old and, in fact, he flew next to me this morning in his own airplane.  That's why he's still alive... he's a pilot!" 

The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it.  How about your dad's dad?  How old was he when he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" 

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80-years-old and your grandfather's still living!  How old is he?" 

The old timer said, "He's 118-years-old."

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went flying with you this morning too?"

The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."

The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!!  Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" 

The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

***
An old man in Georgia had a large pond on his property next to the road.

The bank around the pond was loaded with fruit trees.

One day he decided to go down to the pond to get some fruit, so he  grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring it back. As he neared the pond he heard splashing and  laughter.

He soon saw that several young women had parked at  the side of the road, climbed the fence and were skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went hurriedly splashing to the deep end.

One of them shouted, 'We're naked and we 're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned and yelled back, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond.'

Holding the bucket up he said,    'I'm just here to feed the alligator.'

Old men may not be able to run fast, but they can still think fast!

See ya and have a good week.
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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
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(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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