The Times Journal & Russell County News
Monday, Apr. 21, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From my window ... by I. C. Toowell
In Oct. 16-22 Issue

This is worth the time to read!

This explains taxes perfectly.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1.

The sixth would pay $3.

The seventh would pay $7.

The eighth would pay $12.

The ninth would pay $18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do...

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

Since you are all such good customers, he said,  I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20”. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.

But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).

The sixth paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).

The seventh  paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).

The eighth paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).

The ninth  paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).

The tenth  paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

I only got a dollar out of the $20, declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, but he got $10.

Yeah, that’s right, exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar too. It’s unfair that he got back TEN times more than I!

That’s true!!  shouted the seventh man. Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!

Wait a minute, yelled the first four men in unison. We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.

They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction.

Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who do not understand  no explanation is possible.

Here is another explanation you might want to remember. This one explains the stockmarket.

Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. 

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.

The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching.

The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys everywhere.

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

***

How to keep the burglars away.

The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.

Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?

Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are! 

Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again.

***

Imagine the surprise of this lady when she was approached by a drunk while she checked out at a her grocery store. She tells it this way.

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

 A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

 A head of romaine lettuce,

 A 2 lb. can of coffee, and

 A 1 lb. package of bacon.

 As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

 While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

 I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

 Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?'

 The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

***

Subject: Will I Live to see 80?

 We recently picked a new primary care doctor.  After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said we was doing 'fairly well' for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think we'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'  'No,' We replied. 'We’re' not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'   We said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'  'No, we don't,' we said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'  'No,' we said. He looked at me and said,....'Then, why do you even care?

See ya next week.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
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Russell Springs KY 42642
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Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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Phone: 270-343-5700
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