The Times Journal & Russell County News
Wednesday, Apr. 23, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From my window ... by I. C. Toowell
In Dec. 11 Issue

It’s just a few days now until Christmas time will be here and another year will be over and a new one just around the corner. It’s 2009, gosh, it seems just the other day all of us were worried about swinging into 2000 and already 8 years have swished by.  At our age now, we can’t stand two many more swishes.

Each year they (whoever they are) release the top idiots of the year. Here are the 2008 winners.

Idiot Number One of 2008

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.

This lady certainly deserves the number one sport. She was awarded the Number One Idiot of the Year Sign.  Wear it with pride..

Idiot Number Two of 2008  

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.  

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

 Number Three of 2008  

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag."  While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.  So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of A merica.

 Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Hope you enjoy how this very wise teacher rebutted a CEO.

Idiot Number Four of 2008

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.  He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy...But you still get a sign

Idiot Number Five of 2008  

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.  After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.  He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.   They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

Idiot Number Six of 2008  

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"   When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.  

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.  

Idiot Number Seven of 2008  

Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.  

Yep, here's your sign.

Idiot Number Eight of 2008  

I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.

***

Subject: Tourists

 A Yankee from upstate New York was hiking through the mountains of West Virginia when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life.

Intrigued, he went up and knocked on the door.

 "Anybody home?" he asked.

 "Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

 "Is your father there?" asked the tourist.

 "Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma come in," said the kid.

 "Well, is your mother there?" persisted the tourist.

 "Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.

 "But," protested the Yankee, "do you ever get together as a family?"

 "Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse."

A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a post card in his hand. The old man said, "Sir, I'm sorry to bother you but could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up today and I can't even hold a pen."


"Certainly sir," said the younger man, "I'd be glad to."


He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a short message and sign the card for the man. Finally, the younger man asked, "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?"


The old fellow thought about it for a moment and said, "Yes, at the end could you just add, 'PS: Please excuse the sloppy hand-writing.'?"

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
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