We were told that Billy Loy must have some real pull with the new President. There was some talk at his restaurant this week that Bill received an unexpected and unexplained check in the mail and it has been surmised that the check is Bill’s portion from Obama’s new stimulus package. We guess Bill must have some real pull with the new Pres as he is the only one we know who has already received a check from Obama.  We are going to talk with Bill and maybe he can put in a good word for Ole IC so we can get one of them checks.

***

How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots ... a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it ... a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like this:

"Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 30 minutes. Don't disturb the pit bulls, they've just been wormed."

***

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed their tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying

"A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back. That student got his test back and $64 change along with the score of 36.

***

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked,

"Do you play hockey?"

"No"

"Do you play soccer?"

"No"

"Do you play any other physical sport?"

"Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."

***

Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town. That meant,  a customer service rep for the electric company  was dispatching repairmen right and left.

When one lineman called a customer to get her exact address, he was told, "I'm at Post Office Box 99."

The weary lineman replied, "Ma'am, I'll be coming to you in a truck, not an envelope."

***

Stupid Quotes - gaffes, blunders and embarrassing words

= I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

= Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know.

Donald Rumsfeld - This comment before the war in Iraq won the US Secretary of Defense the 2003 Award for Gobbledygook from the Plain English Campaign

=Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.

Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, October 16, 1929.

= Airplanes are interesting toys, but they have no military value.

Marshal Ferdinand Foch in 1911.

= We don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.

Hewlett-Packard's rejection of Steve Jobs, who went on to found Apple Computers.

= I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.

Dan Quayle

= Rural Americans are real Americans. There's no doubt about that. You can't always be sure with other Americans. Not all of them are real.

Dan Quayle

= The future will be better tomorrow.

Dan Quayle

= It doesn't matter what he does, he will never amount to anything.

Albert Einstein's teacher to his father, 1895.

= We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

= With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn't likely to carve out a big slice of the U.S. market.

Business Week, 1958.

= This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.

Western Union internal memo, 1876.

= It will be years - not in my time - before a woman will become Prime Minister.

Margaret Thatcher, 1974.

= Theoretically, television may be feasible, but I consider it an impossibility--a development which we should waste little time dreaming about.

Lee de Forest, 1926, inventor of the cathode ray tube.

= 640K ought to be enough for anybody.

Bill Gates, 1981.

= My fellow Ameicans I'm pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.

Ronald Reagan, said by the US President during a microphone test in 1984.

= We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.

Leona Helmsley, the US businesswoman dubbed "the Queen of Mean." She was sentenced in 1992 to four years in prison and fined $7.1m for tax evasion.

= People can have the Model T in any color...so long as it's black.

Henry Ford, founder of the Ford Motor Company. The company was forced to move with the times, introducing a choice of colors in 1925.

=I get to go to a lot of famous places, like Canada.

Britney Spears, on the good parts of being famous.

***

A couple of weird stories in the news caught our attention.

There was this man and woman who had found each other on the internet. They had the usual internet affair and after a while decided to finally meet. They established their meeting place and were extremely surprised to find out they were actually man and wife. Surprise, surprise.

We really love this story. A sparrow ruined a world record attempt at dominoes when it flew in through an exhibition center window and knocked down 23,000 tiles. Organizers shot the little bird, causing an outcry. As a tribute, the bird's body will be displayed in a museum.

This one would be rather embarrassing. A traffic warden slapped a parking ticket on a car which had its dead driver slumped at the wheel outside a shopping mall in Sydney, Australia. The warden failed to notice the man inside and issued the parking fine two days before the body was discovered.