The Times Journal & Russell County News
Tuesday, Apr. 15, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From my window ... by I. C. Toowell
In March 26 Issue

Every week there are some great videos on the internet and we will begin bringing you one each week. Now, we know it is going to be hard to show you a video in this column so we will just point it to you on our website. This week we will take a look a little political gathering with President Obama.  Take a look by visiting the Times Journal web site at Russell County.net and look under columns for Ole IC. You will see the video there.

In the future we may even bring you some of the better clips from local meetings. Just go to russellcounty.net.

***

This is a great story.........

On a Saturday afternoon, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's aide visited the Cardinal of a Catholic cathedral.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint..

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views."  Pelosi's aide then said, "Look.  I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."  The Cardinal took the check and deposited it into the church's account.  As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated herself prominently at the edge of the main aisle.

And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that House Speaker Pelosi was present.  Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, she is not my favorite person.  Some of her views are contrary to those of the church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other views.  Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit.  Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief".  He went on to say "Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed".

And added: "She married for money and is using it to lie to the American people.  She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. She simply is not to be trusted."

The Cardinal however, did make good on his promise.  He completed his view of Pelosi with, "But, when compared to Senators Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and John Kerry, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is a saint."

***

A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher" he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse.

Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with "Amen, Pharaoh!" The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but after several more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon.

After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did you mean when you said "Amen, Pharaoh?"

His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!"

***

A few political bumper sticker for you.....

“So, how’s That “Hope” and “Change” working for you?

“Because everyone deserves some of what you have worked so hard for.”

“Keep The Change, I’ll keep my freedom, my guns and my money”

The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.

Don’t spread my wealth, spread my work ethics”

You think Healthcare is expensive now, just wait until it is free


***

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"

***

Weight Loss Plan

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old great loolking gal dressed in very little and a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

***

He lost 63 pounds that week.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
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Russell Springs KY 42642
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Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
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Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
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