The Times Journal & Russell County News
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Debbie does Discourse
In May 16 Issue
Russell County News
By Debbie Bell, Columnist

I have stared at a blank piece of paper all week, trying so hard to think of something to write about.

The longer I sat, the harder I thought, the more tightly my mind shut down on me.

Several times a week I go to my friends Lea’s house. We sit at her wonderful kitchen table, smoking, drinking coffee and talking about anything and everything.

Many times we have seen the sun come up. She is one of the wisest people I’ve ever met and many articles have been born at that kitchen table.

Alas, she’s on vacation for a week or two, visiting a dear friend in Louisville. However, she did leave me in charge of feeding and walking her dog, Spirit.

While I was there I got out my paper and sat at the table, but no ideas came to me.

I thought its the coffee that’s missing so I fixed myself a cup but still nothing.

Then the light-bulb went on in my head and I thought, “aha.” I put Spirit in Lea’s chair, fixed him a cup of coffee and offered him a smoke.

I looked into those beautiful brown soulful eyes and said, “alright, lets have it, any ideas?”

He sat up in his chair and crossed his paws (which is his way of asking for a biscuit) and looked at me as if I’d lost my freaking mind.

So, I gave him a treat and came on home.

I figured out that the missing ingredient is Lea, my support system. Until she returns home, my brain will just not be working correctly.

When I’m bored and have time on my hands I watch the news, and there have been a lot of interesting stories this week.

The big one has been the Miss California controversy. During the Miss USA pageant Carrie Prejean was asked if she supported gay marriage. She answered that she thought marriage should be between a man and a woman only.

Even though I strongly disagree with that I gave her high marks and kudos for her honest answer.

Beauty contestants often tap-dance around questions with the standard “world peace” answers.

I was on her side until all those semi-nude photos of her started popping up.

Contestants in those pageants are required to sign a contract, with a no-nudity clause in it.

Her violation of that contract, not her answer, was why I thought she should have lost her crown.

But once again Donald Trump made the wrong decision and let her keep her crown, because of the two assets he values most: beauty & boobs.

Dick Cheney is still going on and on about how this country is not safe from terrorists’ attacks under the Obama administration.

Dear Mr. Cheney, 9-11 happened under your watch, then we went to war with the wrong country which made most of the world hate us.

Now he and Rush Limbaugh have teamed up to oust Colin Powell from the Republican Party.

Colin Powell is one of the most respected Republicans on earth, but he supported President Obama.

This is the sort of thing that will be the undoing of the GOP — they can’t accept anyone who is moderate and thinks, “out of the box.”

Father Alberto Cutia, a priest in Miami, was caught frolicking on the beach with a woman he proclaims he loves.

Having broken his vow of celibacy he has lost his parish. At first I felt really sorry for Father Cutia but then I changed my mind.

Nuns also take a vow of celibacy and they don’t make a “habit” of frolicking on the beach, or of molesting little alter boys. (not to say this priest has indulged in that behavior)

Then there is Elizabeth Edwards who has written a book about her life and has included a chapter about her husband, John Edwards’ affair and his possible love child.

Some in the media have chastised Mrs. Edwards for dragging her “poor” husband back into the limelight.

This woman has lost a child, been put through public humiliation and is most likely dieing from cancer.

John Edwards ran for president on a poverty platform and presented himself as a most devoted husband and family man.

That from the man who paid $400 for a haircut. He very well could have brought the whole Democratic Party down had he been the candidate.

So you go girl. Drag him back out in the limelight for a public hanging for all I care.

Then, there’s the will-he, won’t-he, retire story.

Granted Brett Farve is a role model and one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.

But now he is thinking of playing for the Minnesota Vikings, which has been my favorite team since I was 11-years-old.

The last thing the Vikings need is an aged, washed-up, quarterback. So please Mr. Favre, don’t mess with my team.

So, to wrap up, I guess my advise for the week, for whatever it is worth, would be— Come home Lea; fire someone even if they have boobs Trump; shut up Cheney; keep your pants on Father Cutia and John Edwards; and just retire already Brett Favre

Till next time, Forward Ho

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