In June 11 Issue
The Russell County Fair is underway and we are really disappointed this year. Our peach jelly turned out so thick we would enter it in the taffy pulling contest if they had one, our calf has turned out to be deaf, our prize pig has a limp tail and our billy goat has developed the runs. The only other thing we had to enter at the fair was to compete in the photography contest but the battery ran down on our Polaroid. Have you tried to find a battery lately for a Polaroid Land camera.
Anyway, the fair is underway, so enjoy the week of fun and activities.
We like this story.....
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.'
The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.'
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter. ' Want coffee .'
The waiter says 'Whoa! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'
The Indian smiles and proudly says ..
'Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave mess for others to clean up,
disappear for rest of day.
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.""I am entering!" said Snow White. After an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?""First Place!" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world.""I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" "First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?
"They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio enters.After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes."What happened?" they asked."Who is this Nancy Pelosi?" asked Pinocchio.
If you are fortunate enough to have children then you will appreciate the following:
The Price of Children
Here is something absolutely positive for a change. We've repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but theis is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice! The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about price shock! And that doesn't even touch college tuition.
But $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down.
It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month,
* $171..08 a week.
* A mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is: don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite.
What do you get for your $160,140.00?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up.
You get to:
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs,
* never stop believing in Santa Clause.
You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watch Saturday morning cartoons,
* go to Disney movies, and
* wish on stars..
You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, handprints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For a mere $24.24 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck.
You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and
* coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless. You get a front row seat in history to witness the:
* First step,
* First word,
* First bra,
* First date,
*First time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and, if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great- grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice,communications, and human sexuality that no college can match..
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God.
You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!
A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.