In June 18 Issue
The storms of the past few days have certainly been getting our attention. The lightning has been fierce. Much more intense than we can remember for someone. It seems like every time we look at the weather, there is a storm brewing or one in progress. In fact, as we are writing this there is tornado warning in the Louisville area.
We use to have a string of Bradford Pear trees around our house and they are being eliminated one at a time. We have lost three to the wind damage in the past two years and just today, we lost our largest and oldest.
It really hurt to lose this one, it was about 30 feet tall, very pretty and Chanson and I planted it for Pauline for Mother’s Day about ten years ago. Guess we can be thankful for enjoying it for these past years.
A hooded robber burst into the bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shot the customer without a moments hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.
The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak.
Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, "I think my wife may have caught a glimpse of you.
"A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.
The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit unusual to him to get up and open with a joke. His nerves twitched and his throat went dry.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!"
The congregation inhaled half the air in the room.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
A big and bulky C-130 aircraft was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 plane and pilot flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?
The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?'
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'
The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun.'
When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing !!!
When you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing !!!
Us old folks understand this one.
An Old Farmer's Advice - When we read the following, we could just picture our Grandfather in his bibs out working in the field. The old farmers always seemed to have a firm grasp on things. These are so true. Take a few moments and read them..
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from The mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of someinfluence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
Bubba and Billy Joe are walking down the street in Atlanta, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Sand Mountain, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune.
Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us.
Now, I'll talk in a slow Georgia drawl so's they don't know we’re from Alabama.
They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my picku and...."The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from North Alabama, ain't ya?"
"Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba...."How come you know that?"
"Because this is a dry cleaners."
As a high school football coach, I'm aware that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports. Bob, a fellow coach, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night.
When his wife informed the kid that Bob wasn't home, he became frantic and said he had to speak to the coach right away.
"Just calm down, and I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home," the coach's wife told him. "What's your number?"
The flustered kid replied, "Three."