The Times Journal & Russell County News
Wednesday, Apr. 16, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
Get online news updates FREE - Subscribe:  [?]
Google

From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In July 9 Issue

We have never seen the news media go so crazy over Michael Jackson. We also are very sorry he died, but only a few months ago this same media was portraying him as a weird child molester and now he is a national hero....well not my national hero and we guess it is their advertising revenue.

***

We heard a lot of good reports about the 4th of July Celebration. Shame we have some wet spots but that is the way it goes.

***

 In a small town in the United States , the place looks almost totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

 Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the towns only hotel, lays a 100 Dollar Bill on the reception counter as a deposit, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Dollar Bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Dollar Bill , and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Dollar Bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Dollar Bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there. The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Dollar Bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

 At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes back his 100 Dollar Bill , saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.. No one earned anything.......... However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism..

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.

***

 HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

 You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the  chips and dip coming.

 -- Alan, age 10

 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with...

 -- Kristen, age 10

 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

 Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

 -- Camille, age 10

 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

 You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

 -- Derrick, age 8

  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

 Both don't want any more kids.

 -- Lori, age 8

 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

 Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each  other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough...

 -- Lynnette, age 8

 On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets  them interested enough to go for a second date..

 -- Martin, age 10  

 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

 I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

 -- Craig, age 9

 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich.

 -- Pam, age 7

 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.

 -- Curt, age 7

 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them  and have kids with them... It's the right thing to do.

 -- Howard, age 8

 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED ?

 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

 -- Anita, age 9

 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure  would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

 -- Kelvin, age 8  

 And the #1 Favorite is ....

 HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

 Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

 -- Ricky, age 10

***

 Top ten tips to know if you have PMS

 10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

 9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

 8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

 7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

 6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-888-1212."

 5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

 4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

 3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

 2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

 1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

***

 Criminal Mastermind

 

 An applicant was filling out a job application.

 When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

 The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative  to the previous question, was "Why?"

 The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

***

 Biting Nails

 Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

 "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly  nervous."

 "My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

 "How?"

 "I hid his teeth."

***

Content Management Powered by CuteNews
SUBSCRIBE to The Times Journal: CLICK HERE

SPONSORED LINKS


Publish Yourself PUBLISH YOURSELF
You can publish news about your group or organization directly to our site, using your computer.
CLICK HERE
Laker Band LAKER BAND
Visit the award-winning official web site for the Russell County Marching Band.
CLICK HERE
Lake Cumberland Web Cams LIVE WEB CAMS
Views of Lake Cumberland as it is right now, from a number of web cams.
CLICK HERE
Lake Cumberland LAKE CUMBERLAND
lakecumberland.com
Official site for Lake Cumberland with everything for the lake visitor and fisherman.
CLICK HERE
The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
-
P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
-
404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
Renee Daffron
(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
LOCAL & AREA
NEWS SITES
The links below open new windows. We are not responsible for the content of the sites.
Laker Country WJRS
(Russell Springs)
lakercountry.com/
WKYM-1017 (Monticello)
wkym.com/
Adair Progress (Columbia)
adairprogress.com/
Casey County News (Liberty)
caseynews.net/
Clinton County News (Albany)
clintonnews.net/
Cumberland County News (Burkesville)
burkesville.com/ccn/
Wayne County Outlook (Monticello)
wcoutlook.com/
Somerset
Commonwealth-Journal
somerset-kentucky.com/
Danville
Advocate-Messenger
amnews.com/
Lexington Herald-Leader
kentucky.com/
Louisville Courier-Journal
courier-journal.com/
WKYT-TV, Lexington
wkyt.com/
WBKO-TV, Bowling Green
wbko.com/
USEFUL SITES
The links below open new windows. We are not responsible for the content of the sites.

RUSSELL CO. OFFICIALS
RUSSELL COUNTY SCHOOLS
RUSSELL CO. LIBRARY

LAKE CUMBERLAND
STATE RESORT PARK
TV LISTINGS:
Choose your service and provider
SOMERSET MOVIE SHOWTIMES

.