Fishing Terms Explained

Catch and Release -

A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit.

Hook -

1. A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. 2. A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his life savings on a new rod and reel. 3. The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings, (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook)

Line -

Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.

Lure -

An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.

Reel -

A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.

Rod -

An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

School -

A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for Spam instead.

Tackle -

What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.

Tackle Box -

A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive 'first aid kit'. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.

Test -

1. The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range.

2. A measure of your creativity in blaming "that darn line" for once again losing the fish.

***

 Grandma still drives

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought  and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from  Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with one of his fingers stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from  Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise Be for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

***

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,

“YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE”.

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced... From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we are going to bed. Afterward, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.

You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.

Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

'The wife replied, 'The  funeral director would be my first guess.