The Times Journal & Russell County News
Wednesday, Apr. 16, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by IC Toowell
In Oct. 8 Issue

My long time friend Ron Finley passed away this week. We walked a lot of sidelines with Ron and shared a very nice and long friendship. Ron was a person dedicated to the art of teaching, football and dedicated to his friends and students.

We think it is fantastic that Ron has not just one football field named in his honor but two. Finley Stadium at Campbellsville University and Finley Field at Russell County.

Our sympathy to his family and we know there are many, many former players and associates that will miss Ron. Ron had that unique quality of never meeting  a stranger. He could enter a room full of strangers and before he left, would know everyone there and would be a friend to all.

***

Still a lot of undecided issues concerning health care and what will be passed, how to pay for it and etc. The following might help you understand a little better.

Let me get this straight.

We're going to pass a health care plan written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, signed by a president that also hasn't read it, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't  pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's nearly broke.

What possibly could go wrong?

***

 Crazy with Confusion

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply.

"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.

"My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.

"So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.

"But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"

After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: "Move over!"

***   

A mother is  driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play  date.

' Mommy ,” the little girl asks, “how old are  you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,”  the mother replied.

“It”s not polite.”

“OK”, the  little girl says,

 “How much do  you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother  says, “those are  personal questions and are really none of your  business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and  Daddy get a divorce?”

“That”s enough questions, young lady!  Honestly!”

The exasperated mother walks away as the two  friends begin to play.

“ My Mom won”t tell me anything about  her,” the little girl says to her friend. “Well,” says the  friend, “all you need  to do is look at her driver”s  license.

 It”s like a  report card, it has everything on it.”

Later that night the  little girl says to her mother,

 “I know how old  you are. You are 32.”

The mother is surprised and  asks,

 “How did you  find that out?

“I also know that you weigh 130  pounds.”

The mother is past surprised and shocked  now.

“How in Heaven”s name did you find that  out?”

“And,” the little girl says  triumphantly,

 “I know why you  and daddy got a divorce..”

“Oh  really?” the mother asks. “Why?”

“Because  you got an F in sex.”

***

Some possible computer bumper stickers

BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

 <-------- The information went data way

 Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

 File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor”s Pentium.

 Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

 SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory .

 RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

 Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

 Hit any user to continue.

Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

 (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

***

Doctors meeting

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don”t we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I”m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I”m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can”t keep a secret..."

***

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
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