Time to get the deep fryer out, pluck the old turkey, loosen the belt and get ready for the big day. Pluck the turkey? Most today do not even know the turkey is a bird or that it has feathers. Most think it is that big round frozen thingy found in the freezer at the grocery store.

We saw on television this past week where they were showing all the homes that burn each year when the old bird hits the hot oil and explodes..

We are not going to tell you to be careful  with the axe when you chop off the head, but we will tell you to make sure the old bird is thawed when you plop it in the cooker.

What are you thankful for......

I am thankful:

For the wife

Who says it's hot dogs tonight

Because she is home with me

And not out with someone else.

For the husband

Who is on the sofa

Being a couch potato

Because he is home with me

And not out at the bars.

For the teenager

Who is complaining about doing dishes

Because it means she is at home,

Not on the streets.

For the taxes I pay

Because it means

I am employed.

For the mess to clean after a party

Because it means I have

Been surrounded by friends

For the clothes that fit a little too snug

Because it means

I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work

Because it means

I am out in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing,

Windows that need cleaning,

And gutters that need fixing

Because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining

I hear about the government

Because it means

We have freedom of speech.

For the parking spot

I find at the far end of the parking lot

Because it means

I am capable of walking,

And I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill

Because it means

I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church

Who sings off key

Because it means I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing

Because it means

I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles

At the end of the day

Because it means I have been

Capable of working.

For the alarm that goes off

In the early morning hours

Because it means

I am alive.

***

Tom Mathews sent us this fishing story.

There were two good ol' boys, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks."

Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got."

The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"

"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet."

***

Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?

Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

***

The British retailer Debenhams announced in September that it would begin selling men's briefs whose opening is more accessible from the left side, for left-handers who have been forced for decades to manipulate a right-side opening. Previously, said a Debenhams executive, "(L)eft-handed men have to reach much further into their pants, performing a Z-shaped maneuver through two 180-degree angles before achieving the result that right-handed men perform with ease." [Reuters, 9-23-09]

***

New inventions for the not so smart buyers.

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap