In Dec. 10 Issue
Tough times in Lancaster, PA - Police in central Pennsylvania arrested an Amish man on drunk driving charges over the weekend after he was found asleep in his moving buggy. Police said a 22-year-old man was slumped over and asleep in a slow-moving buggy on Sunday night.
An off-duty officer from nearby reported seeing the horse pulling the buggy at a walking pace as it straddled the center line.
Police said a breathalyzer test snowed the man's blood-alcohol content was 0.18, more than twice the 0.08 legal limit for drivers.
This driver has a problem but not lke the lady in Charlotte, NC at this day care center.
Authorities have charged a North Carolina woman with selling moonshine out of her day care center. The Charlotte Observer reported Tuesday that North Carolina Alcohol Law Enforcement arrested a 57-year-old woman last week at Parkview Community Center in Charlotte.
Agents said children were in the day care center when they sent in an undercover agent to buy two gallons of moonshine.
The woman told the paper she was set up by a neighbor. She said she was just holding a package for a man in exchange for $80 and didn't even know what was in it.
Agents also arrested an 82-year-old man and charged him with making the moonshine. Authorities seized more than 80 gallons of moonshine from the man.
Looks like poor Tiger is having a bad day on the ole golf course of life. While he may have collected a trophy or two on his new course, it looks like his “caddy” and his putter may have got him into a little trouble.
Tales are now claiming that maybe even one of his sponsors may have been paying for some of his activities.
The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I don't know exactly...put me down for a 5."
Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up tips on how to beat Tiger.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
Ping just offered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of drivers; to be named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?: Cheetah
Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?
Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we have detected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we are contacting Nike for a new club.
Who among us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest golf club we can find??!!
Tiger's new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.
Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
Poor choice; he should have gone with the driver.
Random Thoughts for the Day:
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my dang neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to the ten-page paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
15. I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?) but when I immediately call back it rings nine times and goesto voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
WhO STARTED CHRISTMAS?
Our co-contributor Tom sends us this one.
This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman who was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable. And after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.
She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, making sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.
Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car.
She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot."
From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond, "Don't worry we already crucified him." For the rest of the trip down the elevator it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it,just think of how different this whole world would be.
Just in case you have forgotten, pants 38; shirts, large, favorite color browns, and jam cake with caramel icing. In case you wish to add these to your Christmas list. By the way, we already have yours.