The Times Journal & Russell County News
Monday, Apr. 21, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In Dec. 17 Issue

The tree is up, all the lights are finally working and the cat is having a great time. We purchased one of those trees last year that has all the lights already on it. Worked great last year, but plugged her in this year and half the lights did not work. Can’t they make a ding blasted tree where the lights work independently. Yep, we had to pull out and put back hundreds of tiny bulbs, one at a time, until we found the one loose  varmint. But, on the other hand, how great is feels when you find the right one and the lights come on.

Pauline got out one afternoon and put up a few red bows around the house. That was the day before the big wind storm but at least they are still in the neighborhood, one here and one or two over there. We now have rotating bows to match the rotating tree.

Tom Mathews  sends us this one........

Who Started Christmas?

This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman who was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable. And after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, making sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.

Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot."

From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond, "Don't worry we already crucified him." For the rest of the trip down the elevator it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it, just think of how different this whole world would be.

***

Here is the list:

Looks like the great government is about to approve another multi-billion dollar spending bill. One of the bills about to be approved will provide 2.9 million dollars to study performing surgery in outer space. Great use of your hard earned money.

It seems to appear in the back of our mind that  Obama stated a few months ago, he was going to approve the sending bill at that time, but after that NO MORE.

One article we saw stated there was only 4.9 billion dollars in pork projects approved for this  bill.

Here are a few to make you feel proud to know that’s where your pay check is going this week.

-- $1.9 million for "water taxis to nowhere" in Pleasure Beach, Conn. Congress approved the money after a fire destroyed the bridge to Pleasure Beach, but the area already is accessible by foot and rowboats.

-- $3.8 million for an urban art trail in Rochester, N.Y.

-- $3.1 million for upgrades to a boat owned by the New York State Museum. The boat dates back to 1921 and was originally used in canals.

-- $3 million for bicycle racks in Georgetown -- the Washington, D.C., neighborhood that is one of the wealthiest areas in the country.

-- $1.5 million to improve the streetscape in the six blocks surrounding a downtown Detroit casino.

-- $578,000 for fighting homelessness in Union, N.Y. According to a local news report, the town never asked for the stimulus money and did not even have a program through which to administer the money. The town supervisor said he wasn't aware of a homelessness problem in the town.

-- $550,000 for a skateboard park in Pawtucket, R.I.

-- $500,000 for fish food in Missouri, to help defray the costs for state fish farmers.

-- $400,000 for renovations to a vacant building in City of Jal, N.M.

-- $380,350 to encourage landowners in West Virginia to grow shiitake mushrooms and ginseng.

$90,000 for a communal kitchen in Watsonville, Calif. The shared kitchen is meant to help food service entrepreneurs.

***

Larry's proverbs....................

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1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future.. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.  It's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

***

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied.

"You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."

Remember when we had Ronald Reagan as President.

We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash still with us...

Now we have Obama and no hope and no Cash.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
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