The Times Journal & Russell County News
Thursday, Apr. 24, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
Get online news updates FREE - Subscribe:  [?]
Google

From My WIndow ... by I.C. Toowell
In Jan. 7 Issue

We never did care very much for Al Gore and now we even care less. After all, he is the one to blame for all the cold weather we are experiencing and for the big snow reportedly on the way. It has to be due to Gore’s global warming. Maybe Gore just forgot to send Mother Nature a copy of his movie and his global warming scientific reports.

Today, as you read this column, you should have  at least four inches of snow on the ground, so they say. As a youngster, we can remember inches and inches of snow each winter. Everyone had a pair of those rubber galoshes up over the ankles with those big snap over buckles. We can remember snow up to our knees many times as a youngster, but activities then did not come to a stop. People went right on,  put on their boots, wrapped up and went right on.

We normally do not like snow, but maybe one good one this year would not be so bad. You notice we said one.....

***

Here is one for Vic Henry.

 Miracle Dog

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me

***

Pat and Tom Mathews tells us this week.......

Those of you with children will certainly enjoy these, so very true, descriptions of child birth.

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.  

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

GRANDCHILDREN: ...God's reward for allowing your children to live.

***

Home Economics for Men

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop.

2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral.

4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead.

5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference!

6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away.

7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back.

8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!

9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In.

10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In.

11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink.

12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!

13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!

14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill.

15. Retro, Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your '70s Polyester Shirts.

16. Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves.

17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!

18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means.

19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond McDonald's.

20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category.

21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh.

23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet. See


24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed.


25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!


26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty.


27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them


28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime.


29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It. 

Content Management Powered by CuteNews
SUBSCRIBE to The Times Journal: CLICK HERE

SPONSORED LINKS


Publish Yourself PUBLISH YOURSELF
You can publish news about your group or organization directly to our site, using your computer.
CLICK HERE
Laker Band LAKER BAND
Visit the award-winning official web site for the Russell County Marching Band.
CLICK HERE
Lake Cumberland Web Cams LIVE WEB CAMS
Views of Lake Cumberland as it is right now, from a number of web cams.
CLICK HERE
Lake Cumberland LAKE CUMBERLAND
lakecumberland.com
Official site for Lake Cumberland with everything for the lake visitor and fisherman.
CLICK HERE
The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
-
P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
-
404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
Renee Daffron
(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
LOCAL & AREA
NEWS SITES
The links below open new windows. We are not responsible for the content of the sites.
Laker Country WJRS
(Russell Springs)
lakercountry.com/
WKYM-1017 (Monticello)
wkym.com/
Adair Progress (Columbia)
adairprogress.com/
Casey County News (Liberty)
caseynews.net/
Clinton County News (Albany)
clintonnews.net/
Cumberland County News (Burkesville)
burkesville.com/ccn/
Wayne County Outlook (Monticello)
wcoutlook.com/
Somerset
Commonwealth-Journal
somerset-kentucky.com/
Danville
Advocate-Messenger
amnews.com/
Lexington Herald-Leader
kentucky.com/
Louisville Courier-Journal
courier-journal.com/
WKYT-TV, Lexington
wkyt.com/
WBKO-TV, Bowling Green
wbko.com/
USEFUL SITES
The links below open new windows. We are not responsible for the content of the sites.

RUSSELL CO. OFFICIALS
RUSSELL COUNTY SCHOOLS
RUSSELL CO. LIBRARY

LAKE CUMBERLAND
STATE RESORT PARK
TV LISTINGS:
Choose your service and provider
SOMERSET MOVIE SHOWTIMES

.