In Feb. 20 IssueRussell County NewsBy Wade Daffron, Columnist
I was at the grocery store the other day-which is kind of a rare treat.
Add to that the fact it was a “family trip”-which means we end up buying things like “Low Fat Chocolate-Covered Fried Turnip Bites” just because they come in a bright, fancy package the kids like.
Anyway, I was about halfway through the store in my amazement over item placement and the “Art of End Caps” when I spotted a co-worker having a conversation near the chip aisle.
I waved from the biscuit section-where I was contemplating “flaky” vs. “butter-me-nots.”
“Flaky” won out, and I walked over to talk to my friend-who was engaged in a conversation with one of her friends.
(BTW-I won't use either person's name because my goodness, they were just innocent shoppers, and probably don't want to see their names in the paper when all they did was make a trip to the grocery.)
I'm pretty sure I spoke to BOTH people (Remember this-it's important.), and joined in talking about the weather, or something like that.
Of course, you know me-I'm easily distracted.
I do remember at one point listening to the conversation-but also noticing a sign which said “Doritos-$2.18.”
I was thinking that's a pretty good price, but I couldn't remember what flavor, if any, I liked. Back in the day I used to think the “taco” flavored Doritos were pretty fine. But there again, I'm not a big fan on any food (Are Doritos considered a “food”?) that stains your finger when you eat them. And the new “Tacos After Midnight” flavor is NOT like the old taco flavor. The new flavor tastes way too much like lettuce.
OK, so where was I?
So, we all were talking, and I then noticed frozen dinners for 88 cents.
Shoot, now I KNOW that's cheap.
I actually like the spaghetti and meatballs (OK, you only get three meatballs) because its quick and easy (Like me...HA!).
But there I went again being distracted.
See, I've always wanted to invent a device like a Walkman (Oh shoot, that dates me there...), or maybe like an I-Pod (Yeah, that's a better, more modern reference) which contains snippets of songs or sound effects I can use in any, given situation.
For example, when I'm in mid-conversation, and I something catches my attention-like frozen, Peanut Butter Cup cookie dough for $1.99, I press a button, and the sound of someone fingering a harp is heard (like at the beginning of a dream sequence in a movie.)
Or, if I see a good lookin', hot mama (Hey, Renee'!), I press a button, and Marvin Gaye's “Let's Get It On” starts playing.
When I do something stupid (Which is often, and means I better invest in lots of batteries for my new device), I could press a button, and you'd hear that “Wah, wah, WAAAAAH!” sound.You know, stuff like that.
But still-back to my point-and I do have one.
After I finished my conversation, I joined back up with the family-who were arguing over generic Fruity Pebbles, and fruit snacks. (I, personally, would not want dinosaur-flavored fruit snack, but wait, they're not dinosaur-flavored, they're dinosaur-SHAPED. Who knows what a dinosaur tastes like, anyway?)
My wife, Renee' (mentioned earlier), said, “You were kind of rude to that woman, weren't you?”
I stood there with a confused look on my face.
(“Wah, wah, WAAAAAH!”)
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“She said something about your column, and you didn't even say anything back to her,” Renee' said.
“I didn't?” I asked.
“No, I don't think so,” wifey said.
I panicked, and started running through the store to find the woman and apologize.
I dashed into the parking lot...no luck there, either.
I felt like I was going to burst into tears.
I would NEVER intentionally “snub” anybody.
I thought back to see if I could remember saying anything to the lady (Who, to add insult to injury is a really nice person).
“Well, don't worry about it,” Renee' said.
How could I not?
My wife suggested I could apologize the next time I see her...BUT...what if she didn't think I snubbed her? I would be “admitting” an accidental “snub” if I said anything.
So, I guess you could say this column was basically written for one person.
It's an apology-if needed.
You see, I'm just always pretty awkward in social situations-especially when I am distracted by bright lights, flashy signs, and foodstuffs.
Or, if you won't to come right down to it...I'm kinda stupid.
“Wah, wah, WAAAAAH!”