The Times Journal & Russell County News
Thursday, Apr. 24, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In Feb. 25 Issue

Things are getting real tough and it is beginning to show in all areas. The economy, the conflicts, the politics, the various war efforts and all others are beginning to take it’s toll. In fact, since the president’s state of union address and other political issues these past few weeks, we called a stock broker and asked him if there was anything in particular we should invest in.....he said, “yep, canned goods and ammunition”.

Chanson is in his final semester as a student at RCHS. He’s taking college chemistry and calculus and we are so pleased he now has a couple of classes we can assist with. Especially calculus, we always did have a great interest in the formation of the earth and how they calculated all of us.

***

A man had two of the best seats at the Kentucky basketball game, as he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty.."  

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for a Kentucky ballgame, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first KY game we haven't been together since we've been married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral."

***

There are always those stories and reports that leave us wondering how could they be so stupid to do something like that......Well, here are several of those reports.

*****

When  my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were  told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I  watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  “Hey,” I announced to the technician,  “it's open!”  His reply: “I know.  I already got that  side.”

ANOTHER  SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large'”enough motor on the  opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a  1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it's  not. Four is larger than two.”       .

AND ANOTHER

  My  daughter and I went through the take-out window and I gave the clerk  a $5 bill. Our total was $4..25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you  gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know,  but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.  She sighed and went  to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me  back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of  thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in  change. 

AND THIS ONE :

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local  township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't  think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore.'  

AND THIS ONE ALSO  :

My daughter went to a local RESTAURANT and ordered a taco. She asked the  person behind  the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry,  but they only had iceberg lettuce.. 

ANOTHER PRIZE WINNER

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee  asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To  which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled  knowingly and nodded,

  'That's why we ask.'

 AND THIS  SIGHTING  :

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was  crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light  is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing  driving?!'   

HERE’S ANOTHER ONE

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the  company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We  should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at  each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.     

***

These are actual comments made by Police Officers.  The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.”

“Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them awhile.”

“If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

“If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.”

“Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.”

“You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

“Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?”

“Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. “

“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

“Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”

“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

“In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”

“How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?”

“No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

“I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”

“'You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here..”

***

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm.

As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"

To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in marketing, not management."


***

And don’t forget, let’s all pray for our President....

Let's pray Psalms 109:8

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
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Managing Editor:
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