The Times Journal & Russell County News
Wednesday, Apr. 16, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In March 11 Issue

Monday when the fiscal court was voting on the issue concerning the larger circulation, we were reminded of the old Lucky Strike cigarette commercial where the man says “I’d rather fight than switch...”

County Attorney Mark McGaha advised the fiscal court it would be in the county’s best interest to reverse their former motion and get themselves out of the middle of a legal question.

All the magistrates votes “yes” they certainly agreed the county should not be in a lawsuit and as Magistrate Greg Popplewell stated....”here is a easy way out.

As a role call vote was made, all magistrates voted yes but Mickey Garner voted no.....at that time I was expecting to see Garner pull his Lucky Strike out and lite up. But then I rememnered there is no smoking in the courthouse.

***

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

-- Remember, once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.

-- If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.

-- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.

-- I always know God won't give me more than I can handle but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

-- Never be too open minded, your brains could fall out.

-- Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

-- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

-- Some days are a total waste of makeup.

-- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

-- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

-- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

-- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

-- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

-- Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me .... you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!

Church Social

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person.

"However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50."

 From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you  really think I'd give you that information for only fifty cents?"

***


The Top Internet Commandments


12. Thou shalt not downloadeth porn on thine work computer, lest ye be cast out.


11. Thou shalt *** EARN *** REDEMPTION *** FAST!!!! ***


10. Thou shalt not make for yourself a graven image of that which is copyrighted.


9. Thou shalt not pop up any unwanted windows before me, for I shall smite them immediately with a hasty click and read them not.


8. Thou shalt use no browser other than Internet Explorer, for thy Gates is a jealous Gates.


7. Thou shalt not forward chain letters. Instead, send these commandments to ten friends, and help save the life of a small child in Bogota!


6. Thou shalt not act like a hot 18-year chick in a chat room when thou art a pudgy, pimply-faced Trekkie.


5. Spam not, lest ye be spammed tenfold.


4. Thou shalt not spill your kinky guts and then click "Reply to all."


3. Thou shall not call thyself "Richard P. Smith" online when "Chesty LaRue" sounds so much better.


2. Remember the cookie recipe and keep it holy.


1. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife - and thou shalt rejoice in the loophole that Tommy Lee is technically not thy neighbor.


***


N PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.


IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.

AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.


IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior

AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior


IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.


IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.


IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.

AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.


IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.


IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.

AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.


IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.

AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.


IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.

AT WORK...they are called managers.


Have a great week!

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
-
P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
-
404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
Renee Daffron
(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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Adair Progress (Columbia)
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Casey County News (Liberty)
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Clinton County News (Albany)
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Cumberland County News (Burkesville)
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Wayne County Outlook (Monticello)
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