The Times Journal & Russell County News
Friday, Apr. 18, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In April 29 Issue

Dr. Vic Henry died this past week. His name often appeared in this column as he liked a certain type of humor and we often would share such. We were fortunate enough to have been a friend of Vic and we hold many great times and memories.

Vic had a special way, when you were in his dental chair, of asking you a question and immediately sticking three instruments and two fingers in your mouth and chuckling while you attempted to grunt out an answer.

He was a gentleman, a great family man, father, businessman and will be obviously missed in this community.

***

Welcome to America

 A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Cuban  refugee outside an immigration office.

 "Good man," the fairy said, "I've been sent to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children."

The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."

 The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and PING ! -- he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

 "What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go." The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big house with a three car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here" --- and -- PING ! -- in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long  driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

 "One more wish", said the fairy, waving her wand.

"Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap.  And I want to have white skin like Americans" ---and --- PING-- The man was transformed - wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

 "What happened to my new teeth?" he wailed, "Where is my new house?"

The fairy said:

"Tough stuff, Buddy. Now that you are a white American, you have to fend for yourself."

***

 Subject: Biker makes news...

 A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DCwhen he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting  go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.

 The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this  won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and  what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine. The journalist leaves.

 The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on  the front page:

 "U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH"

That pretty much sums up the major media's approach to the news these days.

***

Sarcastic Quotes

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.

If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder, ¦it would be an apocalypse!

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.

Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?

Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.

Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?

He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.

I bet you get bullied a lot.

I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.

 I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

 I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.

I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.

I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.

 I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.

I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.

I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.

If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

I'm impressed, I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

She's the first in her family born without tail.

That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.

What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

What's wrong, don't you get any attention back home?

 You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.

See you next week!

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
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(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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