The Times Journal & Russell County News
Friday, Apr. 18, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In May 6 Issue

My Buddy is in New York City this week with many of the RCHS seniors as they take their annual trip. We tried to get a job with the bus company as the luggage man but didn’t make it.

Not only is it tough on us, his Mom and the family cat, the matter is complicated that yesterday, Wednesday, was his 18th birthday and he is there and we are here.  With Chanson gone, this year it was just us and the cat to listen to his Mom tell how many hours of labor she was in while we just watched TV and had our Cheetos and Pepsi.

We know there are a lot of Moms and Dads out there that have had these same thoughts, but we don’t even want to think about him leaving for college. Didn’t we see somewhere where senior citizens could go to college free! We may still want to be rocket scientists.

***

Tom and Pat Matthews  were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."

Pat tells he grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.

She was a little annoyed.and asked,  "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

She said Tom calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."

***

We just love his story.

ahead of our time.......

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

 Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Lexington, KY archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, A story in the newspaper read:  "California archaeologists, after finding  200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already  had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers"

 One week later. The Times Journal newspaper reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Middletown, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing and has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Russell County had already gone wireless".

***

Don't Forget to Cancel Your Credit Cards Before You Die


A woman had died in January, but her bank had billed her for their annual service charges for February and March on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 but was now around $60.00. A family member placed a call to the bank

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

Bank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she's dead?"

Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Bank: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you, the part about her being dead?"

Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Bank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Bank: "Our system just isn't set-up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

Bank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

Bank: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

***

Leave Me Alone!

Barry woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw were a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sat down and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Barry looked around the room and noticed that it was in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So was the rest of the house.

He took the aspirins and noticed a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So he went to the kitchen and sure enough, a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper waited on the table. His son was also there, already eating.

Barry inquired, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son replied, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, threw up in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Barry asked, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son responded, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, 'Lady leave me alone, I'm married!'"

***

ENCOURAGING PREDICTIONS FOR 2010

With all the problems the World is facing, it can be unsettling to the mind. Today, I will share with you ten predictions that are sure to come true this year!

Top 10 Predictions for 2010

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.

2. Prayer will still be the most powerful thing on Earth..

3. The Holy Spirit will still move.

4. God will still honor the praises of His people.

5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.

6. There will still be singing of praise to God.

7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.

8. There will still be room at the Cross.

9. Jesus will still love you.

10...Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

See ya next week.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
Renee Daffron
(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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Adair Progress (Columbia)
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Casey County News (Liberty)
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Clinton County News (Albany)
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