In May 13 Issue
No one enjoyed a funny story like my friend M. R. Holt. He enjoyed a joke and he enjoyed telling a good tale. Over the years he has contributed several good tales to this column and there have been many occasions his plumbing and electrical skill helped get this newspaper out on time.
We spent the evening Tuesday at the funeral of M.R. and many of the good times with M.R. passed through out thoughts while the service was in progress.
M.R. oftentimes appeared ruff and gruff but underneath all of that he was a very caring, thoughtful and giving person.
Most all of us, at one time or other, will meet that someone you can call a true friend. You can call them at 3 a.m. to come and pull you out of ditch, (we called M.R.) you can call them in zero degree weather to crawl under you house, (we called M.R.), you can call and borrow their truck, (we called M.R.) and they will be there as they are your friend.. M.R. was our friend and our sincere sympathy to Tom, his son, and all the Holt family.
We just have to tell this last M.R. funny. He came by the office just this past Thursday and was telling about one of the candidates coming by his house to solicit his vote.
M. R. told us this candidate came by, knocked on the door and proceeded to tell that he appreciated his support last year and wanted to ask for his support again this election. M. R. went on to say the candidate asked him how he thought his campaign was going and how did he think he was doing.
In a typical M. R. fashion of saying just exactly what he thought, he told the candidate, “You might as well get you some boxes and start packing and moving because your xxx is going to get beat.”
We will miss M.R.
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money."
The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth."
There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, "If that's how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband."
We know we are a few days late, but believe me, it is never to late to give thanks and praise to you Mom. We just wish we still had our Mom to call her and let us fuss at us for not calling more often. Even though it is a few days after the official day, it is never to late to tell you Mom how much you love and appreciate her.
Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
They don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough
Doesn't come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what
The vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child's growth
Is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't know everything!
14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn ' t have a clue.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
"You Might be a Redneck If..."
...You've ever used a bathtub as a punch bowl.
...You broke a toe when you dropped your belt buckle on it.
...You've ever worn flip-flops to a funeral home.
...You have visitation rights to a dog.
...You continue to show your cleavage years after anyone wants to see it.
...You can't remember where your lawn mower is.
...You've ever flirted over a drive-thru window speaker.
...You've ever picked birdshot out of your fried chicken.
...You've ever told a bill collector you were dead.
...You named each of your children after the car they were conceived in.
...Your voice changed while you were in the second grade.
John David Holt was at one of our auctions recently and purchased a very, very nice tract of land. During the conversation he asked if we were Ole IC and went on to tell us how much he enjoyed this column. He also gave us this one and we pass it along.
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.
Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10.'
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'
See you next week