The Times Journal & Russell County News
Thursday, Apr. 17, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In May 20 Issue

Election is over. Those of you that remember Tommy Jones will readily also remember Tommy’s famous way of telling you who was going to win...... “the one that gets the most votes boys”  And so it goes.

We are also reminded that one time that didn’t stand up.

Richard Kyle won his Arizona House seat in November 1993, more easily than he had won the Republican primary in September. He and his primary opponent, John Gaylord, had tied and had agreed to settle things with one hand of five-card stud dealt by the speaker of the Arizona House.

Kyle's pair of sevens put him into the general election.

***

We had a few Redneck jokes last week, well we received a few more for this week.


"You May Be A Redneck If..."

- Your wedding invitations say "Same time, same place."

- You park in handicapped spaces based on your SAT score.

- You list dogs as dependants on your tax forms.

- Your taxidermist also does your taxes.

- You love lard sandwiches.

- You've ever let your dog babysit your kids.

- Your security system is the latch on your screen door.

- Most of your prayers involve winning a sporting event.

- You've ever caught bugs just so you could throw them at your bug zapper.

- Your financial planner told you to buy lottery tickets.

- The flowers in your bridal bouquet were plastic.

- There are more things growing in your refrigerator than in your yard.

- You've ever left a bingo game in handcuffs.

- Your favorite recipe includes Vienna sausages.

- You've ever put a race car on a prayer list.

- You've ever had a dream about beef jerky.

- You've used a barstool as a walker.

- You're driving a vehicle that has no original body parts.

- You flush the toilet and the dog thinks you're giving him fresh water.

- You think your dashboard is the best place to keep your hats.

***

Not A Bad Idea


Two gas men were out checking meters in a residential neighborhood one day. They parked the truck at the end of the street and worked their way up the street. At the last house, a woman watched from her kitchen window as they checked her meter.

Finally finishing their work, the older man, a supervisor, challenged the younger man, his trainee, to a race back to their truck, wanting to prove that an older man could still beat a younger man.

They raced back to the truck, with the supervisor holding a lead, when they noticed that the woman from the last house was racing up behind them.

They stopped until she caught up and asked what was wrong.

As she gasped for breath, she said, "When I saw you two gas men running as hard as you could, I figured I'd better run too!"

***

What if...

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it."

So she drove the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes."

***

 The Year's Most Ridiculous Political Quotes

''Our politically correct society is acting like some giant insult's taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards...There's going to be a retard summit at the White House.''

—Rush Limbaugh, on his Feb. 3, 2010 radio show, referring to Chief of Staff Rham Emanuel's remark calling the idea of liberal groups running health care-related ads against Democratic lawmakers “retarded''. Sarah Palin called on Emanuel to resign over the comment.

**

''One such translator was an American of Haitian descent, representative of the extraordinary work that our men and women in uniform do all around the world -- Navy Corpse-Man Christian Brossard.''

—President Obama, mispronouncing 'Corpsman' (the 'ps' is silent) during a speech at the National Prayer Breakfast, Washington, D.C., Feb. 5, 2010 (The Corpsman's name is also Christopher, not Christian)

**

''African-American is a bogus, PC, made-up term. I mean, that's not a race. Your ancestry is from Africa and now you live in America.''

—Glenn Beck, on his radio show, Jan. 7, 2010

**

''Now, they're saying I groped a male staffer. Yes, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn't breathe and four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday.''

—Ex-Congressman Eric Massa (D-NY), talking to Glenn Beck after resigning amid allegations that he sexually harassed his aides

**


''This is a big XXXXXX deal!''

—Joe Biden, caught on an open mic congratulating President Barack Obama during the health care signing ceremony, Washington, D.C., March 23, 2010

**

'We've already donated to Haiti. It's called the U.S. income tax.''

—Rush Limbaugh, discouraging donations to relief efforts in Haiti after the devastating earthquake, Jan. 13, 2010

**

''It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French.

You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.''

—Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010  

**

There is a wealth of dumb quotes made by our leaders of today, we will continue to bring you a few each week.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
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