In June 3 Issue
Between the time Pauline and Ole I.C. took Chanson to his first day at Kindergarten and last evening when we attended the Senior Awards Banquet, thirteen years have somehow slipped by.
We know our feelings were basically the same shared by all parents. But, it was just unreal to realize the 6’3” grown man walking across the stage was the same little boy we would rock and look at with amazement for hours at a time.
Have we been blessed!
We just have to add our thanks to all the administrators, teachers and all others that have played a part in Chanson’s education.
Too much TV
Signs you're watching too much TV
1. The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would Dawson Do?"
2. In the middle of an exam, you tell the professor you want to use a lifeline.
3. You need to be tranquilized when the cable goes out.
4. In the late evening, you look forward to sitting back and catching the latest informercial.
5. If you're a witness to an argument, you instinctually shout, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!"
6. You try to impress the opposite sex by saying, "Hey, I get 120 channels!"
7. Your entire CD collection consists of "Greatest Hits" albums by the decade.
8. You have a gold-plated "clicker."
9. Your intellectual discussions all stem from The Discovery Channel.
10. After 15 minutes of work, you need a two-minute break.
Pat and Tom Mathews sent us the following
Do You Know Your Judgment Day?
Fellow 1 : "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too."
Fellow 2 : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"
Fellow 1 : "A judge told him."
Dog and Cat
What is a Cat?
Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.
Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things and then try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
Golfing on Sunday
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and, realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
- "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines."
- "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
- "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
- "Last one off the plane must clean it."
- From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."
- This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
- Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
- An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a, "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?"
- After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant got on the PA and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
- Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
See you next week.