The Times Journal & Russell County News
Wednesday, Apr. 16, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
Get online news updates FREE - Subscribe:  [?]
Google

From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In July 1 Issue

We really like the following little story. Pat Mathews sent it to us and we have told it several times this week.

Questioning Faith...

My grandmother, who lived in Tucson, was well-known for her faith and lack of reticence in talking about it. She would go out on the front porch and say, "Praise the Lord!"

Her next door neighbor would shout back, "There ain't no Lord!"

During those days, my grandmother was very poor, so the neighbor decided to prove his point by buying a large bag of groceries and placing it at her door.

The next morning, Grandmother went to the porch and, seeing the groceries, said, "Praise the Lord!"

The neighbor stepped out from behind a tree and said, "I brought those groceries, and there ain't no Lord."

Grandmother replied, "Lord, you not only sent me food but you made the devil pay for it."

***

We printed this out and pasted it on Chanson’s door this week.  Sure he will pay a lot of attention.

Father's Opinion...


4 years: My daddy can do anything.

7 years: My dad knows a lot, a whole lot.

8 years: My father doesn't know quite everything.

12 years: Oh, well, naturally Father doesn't know that, either.

14 years: Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.

21 years: Oh, that man is out-of-date. What did you expect?

25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.

30 years: Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.

35 years: A little patience. Let's get Dad's assessment before we do anything.

50 years: I wonder what Dad would have thought about that. He was pretty smart.

60 years: My Dad knew absolutely everything!

65 years: I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.

***

Rules for Good Housekeeping


1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.


2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.


3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.


4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.


5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.


6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.


7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.


8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.


9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.


10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.  (It is a protective covering for furniture anyway.)

***

Popular Sayings, modified by the Internet


- Home is where you hang your @


- The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.


- A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.


- You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.


- Great groups from little icons grow.


- Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.


- C: is the root of all directories.


- Don't put all your hypes in one home page.


- Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.


- The modem is the message.


- Too many clicks spoil the browse.


- The geek shall inherit the earth.


- A chat has nine lives.


- Don't byte off more than you can view.


- Fax is stranger than fiction.


- What boots up must come down.


- Windows will never cease.


- In Gates we trust.


- Virtual reality is its own reward.


- Modulation in all things.


- A user and his leisure time are soon parted.


- Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.


- There's no place like http://www.home.com


- Know what to expect before you connect.


- Oh, what a tangled Web site we weave when first we practice.


- Speed thrills.

***

Riders


Four old gents were discussing the results of their golf games.


The first guy said, "I had three riders today."


The second bent over guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."


The third old man said, "I did about the same. I had seven riders, the same as last time."


The last one said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today. Aren't you fellers proud of me?”


After they went into the men's locker room, a lady club member that had heard the old gents talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf here for a lot of years and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what in the world is a rider?”


The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it."

***

On Trial


After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."


The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded. Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."

Content Management Powered by CuteNews
SUBSCRIBE to The Times Journal: CLICK HERE

SPONSORED LINKS


Publish Yourself PUBLISH YOURSELF
You can publish news about your group or organization directly to our site, using your computer.
CLICK HERE
Laker Band LAKER BAND
Visit the award-winning official web site for the Russell County Marching Band.
CLICK HERE
Lake Cumberland Web Cams LIVE WEB CAMS
Views of Lake Cumberland as it is right now, from a number of web cams.
CLICK HERE
Lake Cumberland LAKE CUMBERLAND
lakecumberland.com
Official site for Lake Cumberland with everything for the lake visitor and fisherman.
CLICK HERE
The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
-
P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
-
404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
Renee Daffron
(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
LOCAL & AREA
NEWS SITES
The links below open new windows. We are not responsible for the content of the sites.
Laker Country WJRS
(Russell Springs)
lakercountry.com/
WKYM-1017 (Monticello)
wkym.com/
Adair Progress (Columbia)
adairprogress.com/
Casey County News (Liberty)
caseynews.net/
Clinton County News (Albany)
clintonnews.net/
Cumberland County News (Burkesville)
burkesville.com/ccn/
Wayne County Outlook (Monticello)
wcoutlook.com/
Somerset
Commonwealth-Journal
somerset-kentucky.com/
Danville
Advocate-Messenger
amnews.com/
Lexington Herald-Leader
kentucky.com/
Louisville Courier-Journal
courier-journal.com/
WKYT-TV, Lexington
wkyt.com/
WBKO-TV, Bowling Green
wbko.com/
USEFUL SITES
The links below open new windows. We are not responsible for the content of the sites.

RUSSELL CO. OFFICIALS
RUSSELL COUNTY SCHOOLS
RUSSELL CO. LIBRARY

LAKE CUMBERLAND
STATE RESORT PARK
TV LISTINGS:
Choose your service and provider
SOMERSET MOVIE SHOWTIMES

.