In July 15 Issue
We found the US Debt Clock on the internet this past week and it is astonishing. If it was connected to a fan, we certainly would not have to worry about global warming.
That thing is spinning so fast, we cannot catch it with our mouse to make a copy.
At this very moment our national debt is set at $13,187,940,987,651. Since we have typed that on this page it has already risen over 2 million dollars. No, we do not type slow.
If you would like to look at it in another light, each person in the United States, children and all, at this point owe $42,579. Each taxpayer owes $119,243. And the bank thinks I owe them a lot!
Just to keep you abreast of the situation, we will tell you next week just how much your debt has increased.
These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read:
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the beginning of the end of any nation.
5. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
Wade Daffron tells me that one day while he was working at the library this fellow came in and said... "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
Wade smiled and said, “So here is the person who took our phone book!"
Pat contributed these new words for us this week.
ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.
BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.
CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will 'remove' all the germs.
ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.
EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
We are not to sure about this story. but it is a good one anyway.
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:
Wash. Biol. Surv.
Until the agency received the following letter from a camper:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
Necessary Information for the 40-and-older crowd
- If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian; any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
See you next week.