In July 22 Issue
Bubba and Billy Bob
While Bubba and Billy Bob were in a local store they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place; a year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at the store. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."
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Tom Mathews has a new cell phone and we want one like it. It called a phone for senior folks and we feel sure it will be very popular. We have already checked with  Bill Magruder and placed our order. We are sure you will want one also..
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It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
Here are the Stellas for this past year:

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
Start scratching!

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Scratch some more...

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more...
Double head scratching after this one..

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
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Various  reports and stories

As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all  kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom  has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'
*****
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old  granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a  little wistful.  “In ten years,” I said, “you'll want  to  be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and  swimming with me like you do now.” Carolyn shrugged. “In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things  anyway.'

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Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. “No, no, no!” she screamed.  “Lizzie,” scolded her mother, “That's  not polite behavior.” With that, the girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you!  No, thank you!”

******
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, “Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but  how do they get there in the first place?” After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally  spoke up in disgust, “You don't have to make up something, Dad.  It's okay if you don't  know the answer.”
*****
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I  sat my eight-year-old  son down and broke the news to  him. “I'm  going to be away for a long time,” I told him. “I'm going to Iraq .” “Why?” he asked.  “Don't you know there's a war going  on  over there?”
*****
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood  diseases.  One afternoon, he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with  the kids.  A counselor at a nearby  table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star,  explained, “That's the man who made this camp possible.  Maybe you've seen his picture on  his salad dressing bottle?” Blank stares.  “Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.” An eight-year-old girl perked  up. “How long was he missing?”
*****

God's Problem Now.

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when  there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder  rumbling in the distance.  The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,  “Well, she's there.”