My son Chanson will soon be packing his duds and heading out to Lexington and the big UK campus. We’re getting his apartment ready and he will soon be moving. We always wondered how we would handle that day and it looks like we will soon find out.

While visiting on campus a few days ago, we noted a program where senior citizens could attend free.  So, after some long consideration, we have decided to just move with Chanson and go back to school. We always wanted to get our masters or even our doctorate. We are considering changing our major and going for a new career in nuclear physiques. We are also thinking of going out for either football, cheerleading, or croquet. We can’t wait to tell Chanson we are going to move with him. We are sure he will be thrilled.

***

We received a letter this week and are very pleased to pass it along to you.

Like most folks in this country, I have a job.  I work, they pay me.

I pay my taxes & the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to get that paycheck, in my case, I am required to pass a random urine test (with which I have no problem).

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

So, here is my question: Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their BUTT----doing drugs while I work.

Can you imagine how much money each state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

I guess we could call the program "URINE OR YOU'RE OUT"!

P.S. Just a thought, all politicians should have to pass a urine test too!

***

Check out this new list of the books with the shortest number of pages.......

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

by Barack Obama

MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS

by  Tiger Woods

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY

by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan

Illustrated by Michael Moore

THINGS I  LOVE ABOUT BILL

by  Hillary Clinton

Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY

By Bill  Clinton

THINGS I  CANNOT AFFORD

by Bill Gates

THINGS I  WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY

by Dennis Rodman

THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE

by Al Gore & John Kerry

GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

by Amelia Earhart

HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST

by Dr. Jack Kevorkian

TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE

by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

by Mike Tyson

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS

by O. J. Simpson

HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY

by Ted Kennedy

AND, JUST ADDED:

My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy

by Nancy Pelosi

***

One-liners for your consideration.

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.

People who are wrapped up in themselves are overdressed.

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

A word of advice...don't give it.

If we made it illegal, do you think more people would vote?

I am logged in...therefore, I am.

A journey of a hundred miles starts with an argument over how to load the car.

Justice is blind and in some cases...deaf and dumb.

To belittle is to be little.

When fear knocks at the door, and you answer, there will be no one there.

Poverty is a condition with but one advantage, it doesn't take much to improve your lot.

The first rule of tinkering is to save all the parts.

I'm retiring in Mexico. Sunny, affordable and no predatory reverse mortgages.

A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.

Management's job is to keep 'em too busy to look for other jobs.

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.

Why are lawyers not sworn to tell the truth like all the witnesses in a jury trial?

***

New Car

Reasons You Should Buy a New Car:

Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.

Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.

You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped.

15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep you car for 3 days.

When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"

Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club".

While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.

For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom' noises while in the driveway.

You keep losing dates on left turns.

And then there’s this story

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.