The Times Journal & Russell County News
Tuesday, Jul. 22, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In Aug. 5 Issue

My son Chanson will soon be packing his duds and heading out to Lexington and the big UK campus. We’re getting his apartment ready and he will soon be moving. We always wondered how we would handle that day and it looks like we will soon find out.

While visiting on campus a few days ago, we noted a program where senior citizens could attend free.  So, after some long consideration, we have decided to just move with Chanson and go back to school. We always wanted to get our masters or even our doctorate. We are considering changing our major and going for a new career in nuclear physiques. We are also thinking of going out for either football, cheerleading, or croquet. We can’t wait to tell Chanson we are going to move with him. We are sure he will be thrilled.

***

We received a letter this week and are very pleased to pass it along to you.


Like most folks in this country, I have a job.  I work, they pay me.

I pay my taxes & the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to get that paycheck, in my case, I am required to pass a random urine test (with which I have no problem).

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

So, here is my question: Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their BUTT----doing drugs while I work.

Can you imagine how much money each state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

I guess we could call the program "URINE OR YOU'RE OUT"!

P.S. Just a thought, all politicians should have to pass a urine test too!

***

Check out this new list of the books with the shortest number of pages.......


THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

by Barack Obama


MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS

by  Tiger Woods


THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY

by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan

Illustrated by Michael Moore


THINGS I  LOVE ABOUT BILL

by  Hillary Clinton


Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY

By Bill  Clinton


THINGS I  CANNOT AFFORD

by Bill Gates


THINGS I  WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY

by Dennis Rodman


THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE

by Al Gore & John Kerry


GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

by Amelia Earhart


HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST

by Dr. Jack Kevorkian


TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE

by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell


GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

by Mike Tyson


MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS

by O. J. Simpson


HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY

by Ted Kennedy

AND, JUST ADDED:

My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy

by Nancy Pelosi

***

One-liners for your consideration.

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.


People who are wrapped up in themselves are overdressed.


An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.


A word of advice...don't give it.


If we made it illegal, do you think more people would vote?


I am logged in...therefore, I am.


A journey of a hundred miles starts with an argument over how to load the car.


Justice is blind and in some cases...deaf and dumb.


To belittle is to be little.


When fear knocks at the door, and you answer, there will be no one there.


Poverty is a condition with but one advantage, it doesn't take much to improve your lot.


The first rule of tinkering is to save all the parts.


I'm retiring in Mexico. Sunny, affordable and no predatory reverse mortgages.


A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.


Management's job is to keep 'em too busy to look for other jobs.


Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.


Why are lawyers not sworn to tell the truth like all the witnesses in a jury trial?

***

New Car


Reasons You Should Buy a New Car:


Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.


Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.


You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped.


15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep you car for 3 days.


When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"


Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club".


While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.


For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom' noises while in the driveway.


You keep losing dates on left turns.


And then there’s this story

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
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Stephanie Smith
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Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
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(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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