In Sept. 9 Issue
Nora Porter Hammonds called us this week and while we had not personally talked with her for sometime, it was very enjoyable to renew the old friendship. She called to tell us how nice all the Times Journal Staff was to her and how much she appreciated them. Don’t know which one of the staff had asked her, but then she tried to get me to commit to giving all of them a raise. We finally got her off the raise issue and started talking about a few years ago when she worked for Dr Joe Pettey and a few of the Dr. Pettey stories. She said she remembered whenever she heard someone sneaking in the back door of Joe’s office it was ole I.C.
We both certainly miss Dr. Pettey and his humor and know a lot of other people do also.
We are watching the Leno Show and he just announced a new discovery. It is one that will certainly have great interest for men and a new way to end baldness along with eliminating other things. He reported on a new, actually old, study that showed castration would prevent the typical male pattern baldness. So, if you hair is starting to thin and the forehead is getting a little higher, you might want to check in on this new procedure. Let’s see...hair, no hair. What a decision!
The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family waiting for the news, "We had twins!"
The family was so excited, they immediately asked, "Who do they look like?"
The father paused, smiled and said, "Each other."
Want to pass these along to Billy Bernard. He is the only man we know that can land a plane where it stops moving forward at the very same time it touches the runway. He always amazes me, he brings the plane in, slows down and stops.
"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
-- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
-- From an old carrier sailor
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies."
"Never trade luck for skill."
"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."
"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
-- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
Pat and Tom sent us these one-liners also...
The school should pay me to skip class. Call it a "tuition refund", if you will.
A Pessimist is what an Optimist calls a Realist.
I was wondering where my boomerang had landed - and then it came to me.
There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
Scars: Tattoos with better stories.
Loved are the ones who are told of their faults in private.
A: B: C: - Alphabet of a new generation.
Look after your wife; never mind yourself--she'll look after you.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Say nothing . . . often.
Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Everything is always okay in the end. If it's not, it's not the end.
You non-conformists are all alike.
Sign on a synagogue: Under same management for 5,765 years.
The extra mile isn't half as long as all those other miles.
A genius is someone who is screwed up in a useful way.
Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally ."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money -fifty thousand dollars!
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No".
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile"
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ...."
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "We're outta here!"
We always have to have one to get us in trouble...here goes. And Then:
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says,
"Better think it over.............women like that are hard to find."
See ya next time