The Times Journal & Russell County News
Friday, Apr. 18, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In Sept. 23 Issue

Fall is here......so they say. The weather is still very warm and the tempts next week will remain in or near the 90’s. No problem with us because we know what is just around the corner. Cold, cold and more cold. An old college buddy called this past week and said he had finally done it. He was moving from Long  Island, NY and had purchased a place in Florida. Like ole IC he had noted the direct relation between age and weather and it was no secret that weather in NY this  past year was enough to make anyone notice.  We are taking notes here also.

We made a miscue last week about the name of a new acquaintance and a new resident of our community and we reprint it this week.

Ole IC has been a collector of many items for many years. Take a look at the basement and you would immediately say definitely too many years. Anyway, one of the items we have collected is our music library. We have hundreds of old, old records, 8-track tapes, cassettes and etc. Our CD collection was limited just to those CD’s we had purchased to enjoy but that has now changed.

Since we also own the LakeCumberland.Com website and the Trading Post on it we noticed an advertisement that someone wanted to give-away 400 CD’s.

Now they were talking my language and even though we had reservations that the CDs were all broken or scratched up, so we called.

Surprised, the CDs were their private collection and they were giving them away because they moved here to a smaller house and did not have room. Patty and George Beil said they now have all the CDs transferred electronically so they did not need them now.

Needless to say our CD collection took a major leap this week. Like a kid at Christmas we have played and played CDs and have had a great time. We shared these with our staff at The Times Jounal and they have also had a holiday experience from the boxes and boxes of CDs. Wade Daffron almost had heart failure at some of the artists in the collection, and says he has to meet these people as he never thought there was another in the world with similar taste in music.

So if you have a chance to meet Patty and George, now living in our community, give them a welcome but don’t ask about CDs we have them all.

They also have their own artistic side and maybe real soon we will have a feature for all of you to enjoy.

***

Some computer bumper stickers

1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

2. <-------- The information went data way

3. The name is Baud...James Baud.

4. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

5. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

6. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

7. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

8. Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.

9. E Pluribus Modem

10. .... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

11. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

12. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?

13. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.

14. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

15. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . .

16. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

17. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

18. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

19. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

20. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

21. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

22. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

23. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

24. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

25. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

26. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

27. Hit any user to continue.

28. Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

29. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

30. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

***

Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.  

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

***

Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark

"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!"

***

Three self-described bisexual men filed a federal lawsuit in April against the North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance for disqualifying them from the Gay Softball World Series in Seattle in 2008 because they were not sufficiently gay. Teams were limited to two heterosexuals, and when the men's team won second place, questions were raised about the three until organizers took them aside and asked "intrusive" questions about their sexual attractions and desires. Ultimately, they were disqualified as being too straight. (The alliance acknowledged that it has no standards for judging gayness level, but explained, as a private organization, that it is not subject to federal law.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
Renee Daffron
(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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Casey County News (Liberty)
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Clinton County News (Albany)
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