In Nov. 18 Issue There are not words to describe just how beautiful the past several days. Of course, rain has slipped in on us but as much as we needed it, it is also beautiful. These days bring about the normal but beautiful fall colors and leaves. The leaves at our house are great but now most of them are on the ground and that brings about another issue as all at once they are not so beautiful. Do we rake them or do we let nature lead the way or do we continue to pray for strong winds in the direction of the next door neighbor. *** Some great stories and real also.... Two men robbing a Waffle Shop in Akron, Ohio, in October ushered customers and employees into the back and had them give up their cell phones, which were collected in a bag, with the plan to lock the phones in a supply room, retrievable only long after the robbers had fled. However, one robber walked out the restaurant's front door, which automatically locked behind him, and when the other robber walked into the supply room to drop off the bag, an alert hostage locked him inside. *** Recurring Themes A 55-year-old woman was seriously injured in October near Defuniak Springs, Fla., when -- and alcohol was involved -- she fell from a motor home traveling on Interstate 10. She had walked to the back to use the rest room, discovered that the door was stuck, and pushed against it -- to learn too late that it was the exit. *** A 75-year-old man in Levis, Quebec, became the latest person to fall victim to his own protective booby trap. He had apparently forgotten the exact location of the trip wire he had connected to a shotgun to deal with trespassers, and he was killed. *** About 20 percent of Japan's adult-video market is now "elder porn" with each production featuring one or more studly seniors and Shigeo Tokuda, 76, among the most popular. He told Toronto's Globe and Mail in October that he films once a mon th.. His wife and adult daughter learned only two years ago, by accident, of his late-onset career (which began at age 60 when a filmmaker hired him for his "pervert's face"). Tokuda figures the "elder porn" genre will grow with Japan's increasing senior population. Sick old men..... *** Erma Bombeck was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life humorously from the mid-1960s until the late '90s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became best-sellers. From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife with broad, and sometimes eloquent, humor. By the 1970s, her witty columns were read, twice weekly, by thirty million readers of 900 newspapers of the U.S. and Canada. Here are a few quotes from Erma Bombeck. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill. Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job. (on the US presidency) When humor goes, there goes civilization. The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, another must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child. You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates. Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. ***
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?” “Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') “You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her. “I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading”. “Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.” “For reading a book,” she replies, “You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her again, “I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading” “Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.” “If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,” says the woman. “But I haven't even touched you,” says the game warden. “That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.” “Have a nice day ma'am,” *** Here is one that will keep you busy his will keep you busy for a while, trying to outsmart your foot, but you can't. 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. . . . . . *** A student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye, was living in the hall of residence during his first year. After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit, no doubt carrying reinforcements of oatmeal. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "They're such terrible noisy people! The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!" "Oh, Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing, I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!" Have a great week and get the ole bird ready for the grill.
The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629