The Times Journal & Russell County News
Thursday, Apr. 24, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In Dec. 2 Issue

A lady called us this week, Deborah Coffey, and pointed out to us that last week we had used a “no-no” word in our column. We sincerely  apologize to this reader and to all our readers. We had no intention of this word appearing in our column. It slipped by.

Most all of our stories are sent to us via e-mail or the internet. This was one of those stories and we noted the word in our mind that it must be changed prior to publishing, It didn’t get changed.

No, we’re not going to repeat the word and again we apologize for the appearance of such in our column.

Jimmy Helm, a writer of many years and even more journalistics experiences, called us this week and during our conversation, we asked him if any such slips had appeared in his columns. He asked what the slip was and he immediately stated he could offer us a means of defense.

He stated the word was not really a word and it originated as an acronym

He explained the following:

 It seems that in colonial day's animal waste was used for fertilizer and when it was transported it was transported in the dry state and the most convenient way was by ship. If the waste got wet it would start to product methane gas and could cause an explosion which would sink the ship. Because of its nature the waste was often shipped in bottom of the ship. To avoid the waste being placed in the bottom of the ship orders were given to ship these boxes high in transit. So, the acronym of Ship High In Transit was printed on all the crates. Thus, soon the word originated.

So again, we apologize for shipping high in transit last week.

***

Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids

It doesn't take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter.

Dogs cannot lie.

Dogs never resist nap time.

You don't need to get extra phone lines for a dog.

Dogs don't pester you about getting a kid.

Dogs don't care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.

Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.

Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.

Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42

Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000

***

The following is reported as an actual ad appearing on Craig’s List.


To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually mess in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that mess in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

***

Pay for the Food


There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant.

Every day at lunch time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.

One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for "enjoyment of food"

Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them.

The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it." The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court.

At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."

The judge turned to Mike and said, "What do you have to say to that?" The old Irishman didn't say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?" The Irishman replied with a mile wide grin, - "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money."

***

Pat Mathews tells us about the young man asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving,"

Little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

See you next week and just in case you have forgotten and are doing you Christmas shopping, we wear an X-L shirt or coat, 38 pants, (with the holidays, better make that a 40 and a 9.5 shoe.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
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Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
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News & Sports Editor:
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PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
LOCAL & AREA
NEWS SITES
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Laker Country WJRS
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WKYM-1017 (Monticello)
wkym.com/
Adair Progress (Columbia)
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Casey County News (Liberty)
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Clinton County News (Albany)
clintonnews.net/
Cumberland County News (Burkesville)
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Wayne County Outlook (Monticello)
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Somerset
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Danville
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Lexington Herald-Leader
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