The Times Journal & Russell County News
Friday, Apr. 25, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In Feb. 10 Issue

Putting things in perspective.

Tom Mathews pointed this out to us, a comparison that we can look at in comparison to what Obama has asked the cabinet to help reduce the debt.

The President ordered the cabinet to cut a whopping $100 million from the $3.5 trillion federal budget!

Let’s say you  have decided to do the same thing with your personal budget. You spend about $4000 a month on groceries, medicine, insurance, cable, internet, telephone, gasoline, mortgage, misc bills, etc, but it's time to get out the budget cutting ax, go line by line through your expenses, and go to work.

You are going to cut  spending at exactly the same ratio -1/35,000 of your total budget. After doing the math, it looks like instead of spending $4000 a month; you are going to have to cut that number by twelve cents!

Yes, you are going to have to get by with $3999.88, but that's what sacrifice is all about. You just have to do without some things, that are, frankly, luxuries.

***

We simply love the following story.......

 In   Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days.  He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their  holy days.  The argument was that it was  unfair that atheists had no such recognized  days.  The case was brought before a judge.  After listening to  the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel  declaring,"Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have  Christmas, Easter and others.  The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and  Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.."

 The judge leaned forward in his chair saying,  "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully  ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of  any special observance or holiday for atheists."

  The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is  April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'  Thus,  it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool.

 Therefore, April 1st is his day.  Court is adjourned.."; You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

***

This is one of the funniest stories.......

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on  the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the  Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing  dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne,when I put him to work.'

The plane took  off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'.

Sniffer  jumped down,walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

The Policeman said,  'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number  and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Gee, that's  pretty good,' replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Lab sniffed about, sat down  beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he  placed two paws on the agent's arm.

The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' said his seat mate.

The  Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

Sniffer walked up  and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded  to poop all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by  this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on  ?'

The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.

***

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

***

Pat Mathews send us this photo......can’t understand why these “senior” items are always directed to us.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
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Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
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Business Manager:
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Production Manager:
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PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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