The Times Journal & Russell County News
Thursday, Apr. 17, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In March 10 Issue

How about the few days of warm weather. Sure makes one feel much better. Makes me want to get out and crank up the old garden.

Speaking of gardens, tomatoes are probably the one thing in vegetable line we enjoy the most. The one thing we hate the most, is the cardboard tomato reproductions markets sell during the winter months.

Occasionally we will forget just how terrible the cardboard maters taste and will break down and  buy a couple. It only takes one slice to remember just how terrible they are.

I know there are a lot of people out there dreaming of the warm days of summer, fishing, boating and swimming, sun bathing and etc., so are we. But also in our dreams are those tasty tomatoes, corn and green beans.

***

Betty Smith celebrated a birthday recently and we just have to wish her a happy birthday and hope she has many, many more. She just celebrated her 39th and  we think it is wonderful. We know our memory is getting a little slow but for some reason we  think she celebrated her 39th last year, and maybe the year  before. We asked Ronald what birthday she was celebrating and he said as long as she continued to make all those delicious cakes and etc., as far as he was concerned, she could celebrated any year she wanted to.

Betty just sent us  ANOTHER, big piece of cake and we agree with Ronald.....Happy 39th Birthday Betty.

***

A group of  friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others.

Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive.

She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too high."

He said,"Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms?

There are plenty in the creek bed."She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison."

He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK." So Janet decided to give it a try.

She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite..

All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy little cap on her head.

After everyone had finished, they relaxed,   socialized, and played cards and dominoes.

About then, the helper lady from town came in and whispered in Janet's ear.

She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot just died."Janet went into hysterics.

After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."

Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road.The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.  One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, " I think everything will be fine now." and he left.

They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time the helper lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow that ran over Ol'Spot never even stopped.

***

Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Atlanta , and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each! , shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. "

Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Bob, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take'em back to Sand Mountain , sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and won't wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Georgia drawl so's they don't know we is from Alabama ."

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from Alabama , ain't ya?"

"Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba...."How come you knowed that?"

"Because this is a dry cleaners"

***

Texas Beer Joint Sues Church In Mt. Vernon, Texas.

Drummond's Bar began construction on expansion of their building to increase business.  In response, the local church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground!

After the bar burning to the ground by a lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer", until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church . . ."was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and  the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented……… "I  bsp; don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork  that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that now does not."

That is reported to be a true story.

***

None of you have forgotten the past weeks of cold weather and here are a few reminders...

It's so cold ...

when my wife shoveled the sidewalk, I could see her breath all the way from the living room couch.

cops are taking turns tasering each other.

only guys with names like "Al" and "Ed" have time to write their names in the snow.

we had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post

the local flasher was caught *describing* himself to women.

your shadow freezes to the sidewalk

the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.

Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick.

I chipped a tooth on my soup.

down at the morgue, you can't tell the workers from the clients.

we have to kick a hole in the air just to get outside.

mice are playing hockey in the toilet.

our aquarium doesn't need any glass. But, the fish are motionless.

if you make an ugly face - it'll stay that way. Hey. Mom was right all along.

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
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Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
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Production Manager:
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PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
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