In April 7 Issue
Better be sure when you rely totally on the computer spell check system. We encourage you to take a second look.
The following appeared on the back page of one of Australia's more outrageous computer publications, "Computing Australia”.
Blame it on the computer.
An unfriendly computer has been held responsible for a "potentially lethal error" involving a Mafia loan collector.
A New York paper inadvertently put the `heavy' in the running for a pair of custom-fitted concrete shoes when it identified him as a "ruthless informer".
According to a published retraction (and apology!), a writer on the paper had actually typed "ruthless enforcer" - but the computer system's spelling checker liked it the other way.
Hold your temper
A Gillette man was arrested at his home last Thursday night after he fired eight bullets at his home computer, according to police.
The man, Michael A. Case, 35, of 64 Summit Ave., was arrested shortly after 11 p.m., at his house, when police said they received a report that shots were fired. They arrived at the home to find a .44 Magnum automatic handgun and a shot-up IBM personal computer with a Princeton Graphics System monitor.
The monitor screen was blown out by the blasts and its inner workings were visible, Lt. Donald Van Tassel said on Monday. The computer, which had bullet holes in its hardware, was hit four times while four more bullet holes were found in various areas next to the computer, Van Tassel said.
"The only thing he (Case) said was that he was mad at his computer so he shot it," Van Tassel said.
The handgun, which the lieutenant identified as an Israeli Arms Desert Eagle .44, has "a lot of firepower," he said. "It's a big gun." Case used hollow-point, or dum-dum, bullets, he added.
Case was surprised when police arrested him because he didn't think he was breaking the law, Van Tassel said. "He couldn't understand why he couldn't shoot his own computer in his own home," Van Tassel said.
Case was charged with recklessly creating a risk and using a firearm against the property of another, because the house is reportedly owned by a relative. The walls were also damaged by the shots, according to police.
He was also charged with unlawful possession of a firearm without a permit, and with possession of illegal bullets, police said.
In addition, Case was issued to summonses, for discharging a weapon in a restricted area and for discharging a single-projectile weapon, police said.
Case spent early Friday morning in the Morris County Jail and was released later in the day on $2,500 bail, according to police.
We have been that ill at the ole computer several times, but just never had a gun handy. Good thing they can’t arrest you for kicking one.
The "Environmental Engineering News" published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries.
In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, "He's drunk and in jail."
In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the spouse is jailed.
In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there's an automatic jail term of one year.
In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven twenty miles out of town and forced to walk back ten miles.
In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction results in capital punishment.
In El Salvador, your first offense is your last -- execution by firing squad.
The Boss and The Trainee
A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No", replied the Managing Director. "Thats Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!
Phone Won't Stop Ringing?
Here's What You Do
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.
At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?"
A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.
She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch her favorite soap opera, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June.
Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers."
Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.
Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."
Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."