The Times Journal & Russell County News
Tuesday, Jul. 22, 2014 — RUSSELL SPRINGS & JAMESTOWN, KENTUCKY — russellcounty.net
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From My Window ... by I.C. Toowell
In April 21 Issue

We almost had a major catastrophe this past weekend involving two of our associates here at the office.

Randy and Kim Graham play vital roles in our production and for several hours last week they did not know whether they would ever find their way back to the office or not.

First, they would rather not have the story spread around, so if you don’t mind, please do not tell anyone.

They went hiking combined with a photo excursion over in the Laurel- Pulaski area along the river.

Such a great place to walk along the river and catch some of those great nature photos. Everything went fine until the trail lead them thru a cave. No problem for most, except Randy does not like caves and it is hard to walk through a cave with your eyes shut, hanging onto the wall while screaming...don’t make me go, please. (That’s what I was told Randy).

Kim got him settled down and the cave came to an end and they very soon back above ground. Randy said it is just unnatural to be underground. But, while the cave had ended, they noticed the trail had ended also. The anticipated 3 hour adventure would soon turn into hours.

Trying to find the trail and the river they crawled up and down the hillside. Kim stated their pace was kind of slow at first and but recognizable signs of bear and the constant reminder of rattlesnakes, their pace quickened.

No cell service in the area, no one knew where they were, including themselves, they kept on with their dream of becoming a survivor and finding their car and then the Japanese Restaurant in Somerset. But first they had to get out of the woods. Not even a flashlight, the glow of the moon was all they had to light their path.

No lunch, no dinner, no path, no light, no water,  they just kept on until the found the river and soon found their car. By that time it was  near midnight, and their restaurant was closed. But the day ended with a happy note.

They did discuss on the way home, they probably would not tell anyone this experience.

We’re going to send their story to Survivor on TV and who knows we may have some real stars.

***

Facts About Old Men and Women

Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?

A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction.

Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?

A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.

Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?

A: She should tell him she's with child.

Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?

A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.

Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?

A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.

Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?

A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon

Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?

A: On top of their heads.

Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?

A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'

***

The newlyweds

A young couple decided to wed.  As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive.  Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.  I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them."  "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed."  Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom.  "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."  "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."  "No, you don't understand.  My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this.  In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth.  The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth.  Not a word," her mother affirmed.  Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try.  The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well.  That is, until about six months later.  Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off.  Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed.  This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?"  "Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"

***

Men, be afraid, very very afraid

Behind every successful woman is herself

Oh my god, I think I’m becoming the man I wanted to marry!

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels

A woman is like a tea bag . . . you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career

So many men, so few who can afford me

Coffee, chocolate, men ... Some things are just better rich

Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen

I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it

Of course I don't look busy . . . I did it right the first time

Do not start with me. You will not win

All stressed out and no one to choke

I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

And last, but not least:

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen

***

This will keep you busy for a while, trying to outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do about it! 

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The Times Journal is a weekly newspaper issued on Thursdays. It was first published on October 13, 1949, by Andrew J. and Terry Norfleet.
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P.O. Box 190
120 Wilson St.
Russell Springs KY 42642
Phone: 270-866-3191
Fax: 270-866-3198
Russell County News is a weekly newspaper issued on Saturdays, and is mailed free to every address in Russell County, Ky. It was first published on February 1, 1913.
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404 Monument Square
Jamestown KY 42629
Phone: 270-343-5700
Publisher:
David Davenport
(publisher@tjrcn.com)
Managing Editor:
Greg Wells
(editor@tjrcn.com)
News & Sports Editor:
Derek Aaron
(sports@tjrcn.com)
Advertising Manager:
Stephanie Smith
(ads@tjrcn.com)
Business Manager:
Kim Haydon
(business@tjrcn.com)
Production Manager:
Renee Daffron
(people@tjrcn.com)
Jamestown Office:
Kim Graham
(rcnoffice@tjrcn.com)
PUBLIC MEETINGS
Members of the public may attend meetings. Boards or agencies may schedule other meetings at special times, but are required to notify the public.
FISCAL COURT: 2nd Monday of month, 6 p.m. in the Courthouse
RUSSELL SPRINGS CITY: 2nd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in the City Hall Municipal Room
JAMESTOWN CITY: 3rd Thursday of month, 6 p.m. in basement meeting room at City Hall
SCHOOL BOARD: 3rd Monday of month, 6:30 p.m., Board of Education office in Jamestown
LIBRARY BOARD: 2nd Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Jamestown Library
AIRPORT BOARD: 1st Tuesday of month, 5 p.m. at Airport
TOURISM COMMISSION: 2nd Wednesday of month, 12:30 p.m. at Tourism Office
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: 3rd Tuesday of month, noon at The Cove restaurant
LOCAL & AREA
NEWS SITES
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Laker Country WJRS
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lakercountry.com/
WKYM-1017 (Monticello)
wkym.com/
Adair Progress (Columbia)
adairprogress.com/
Casey County News (Liberty)
caseynews.net/
Clinton County News (Albany)
clintonnews.net/
Cumberland County News (Burkesville)
burkesville.com/ccn/
Wayne County Outlook (Monticello)
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Somerset
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Danville
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Lexington Herald-Leader
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Louisville Courier-Journal
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USEFUL SITES
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