In July 16 IssueBy John Thompson, Columnist
Sometimes you wonder "what's the point?"
Am I talking about economic things again? No, I'm talking about "love."
I just got my Dear John letter. Those don't come in the mail these days, they come via email, or in this case a private message on Facebook.
Some of the beliefs and opinions I have are so contrary to others locally; I think maybe finding love here will be next to impossible. Maybe moving up where those Yankee's live in the Northeast might be a better suit for me.
We got along good. Not really a fuss between us honestly; and as strong willed as both of us are you might expect that there would be. I don't know, maybe if there were more "feeling" there would have been more fuss.
But that "extreme" feeling of love that drives you crazy as a young adult… who wants it? Not me. The more the feeling, eventually the more the pain.
In fact I had so much pain over a failed relationship of 8 years that after a few short, minor relationships after that one I just quit.
I quit dating for something like 7 years. I just didn't have it in me to even try.
That's what it felt like I'd be doing… making an effort at something that will eventually cause pain. Equating love with pain… that's screwed up, though I think it's pretty common as I see there are a lot of failed relationships and a growing weariness of trying again.
Have you noticed more and more people seem to be coming to the same conclusion? Seems to me people are becoming more comfortable growing old alone; preferring to deal with, and eventually even forgetting you're lonely, rather than deal with the effort of trying to get along while being in each other's face every day.
But of course not everyone is like that, or like me… some people do get along. I also see a lot of people who stay together but really don't seem to be able to stand each other. Social convention or religious reasons I suppose is the reason.
Writing this I have that pain in my gut…. Because it just happened.
I know I shouldn't even write about it, and may think better of it later, but it's real, isn't it? Who hasn't experienced it?
We had major differences philosophically; both in our political outlook and religious beliefs…. Early on I said, maybe the core beliefs aren't as important as our level of energy and ambition… and since neither of us were particularly energetic or ambition, we sure had a lot of time to cuddle. Luckily we both did have that in common.
We're both the same age, middle 40's. Neither seems to have gotten it right yet. Maybe we eventually will, though the odds… the statistics are against it.
We broke up once already. We've only been dating for something like four months… so no great investment, right? Yeah…. I broke up with her before and the event that caused it was pretty inconsequential. This time she broke up with me, and her reason was more consequential… at least to her.
I'm pretty certain this is it though. The last break up just a few weeks ago could very easily have been it, but it wasn't, as she was willing to get back together.
But there's been no "fire"... no passion… just comfortableness in being with each other. Like I said, that was good by me, as all that "fire" and "passion" (in the emotional sense) was much too much problematic… ease and comfort seems better being middle aged.
Man, I sound like a child.
Writing personal matters… oh it will embarrass me later. So many of us don't want to discuss personal matters; and if we do it's one on one with others. But why not? Most of these things, these feelings and thoughts we have, are the same ones others have.
Or maybe not. Maybe I am different. Maybe I really am so disconnected from others that my thoughts and feelings aren't shared.
I don't think so.
I certainly hope not.
What else can I write about it that hasn't been written? Look out there, the pain of love is constantly written in song and in prose. I notice those hurting songs sure do hold a lot more meaning when you're experiencing it… and then seem corny when you're not.
Life goes on.
Since I have nothing to add to the subject I'll let it lie. I'll give you a little something else to read… hopefully next week I'll be back at it, annoying you with my regular ranting.
Take care, you people out there.
And please remember, we are truly all one.
Now to decide….
To date or not to date… that is the question…
Hopefully I can answer it before another seven years or so goes by.
In many ways in my life I've taken the road less travelled. Most of the time I'm defiant and glad to feel as if I am my own man, as much as that is possible in a day of constant intrusion of manmade messages and objects rather than nature… and sometimes I wish I assimilated better.
But then, again, I know we all feel like that sometimes… alone… questioning the reasons of one's own existence.
I'll leave you with a poem of Robert Frost.
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as fro that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how ways leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.